Right let's go over the good things first. Start positive. Well I earned myself a few bob by being a taxi and a babysitter, which is brilliant and also have a dominos on the way. I had to sign on as well so that's more money for me. So basically the good things today have mainly centred around me getting some dollar.
Right now onto my sad thoughts. I have been looking at past pictures and just random ones. Not necessarily me and her, but each one I felt really sad about. I know it sounds dull, but I can't be in silly pictures with her or cuddly ones anymore. I really did want to create a collage of our adventures together but that is an idea that had to stop before it started. I have also been thinking about the fun we could be having at Halloween and Bon fire night. It is always nice to spend every occasion with someone you love and this, even if it is going badly, is no exception. I would love nothing more than to stand there my arms wrapped around her, watching all the colours burst into life in the star lit sky.
I also have seen a few things like adverts or clothes or food and can't help thinking I want to tell her about them because she would like them. Well at least I should think she would.
Although I have to look forward and not back it doesn't get easier knowing that the person who i want to spend the rest of time with doesn't want to be with me. And only because of things I have done.
I say this a lot, but I wish I could take it all away. Especially her pain. I would take it all and keep it in me. Let me hurt. She doesn't deserve that.
Well like I said odd. Odd because although I have coasted through on a wave of good vibes, I also have a lot of deep set sadness that isn't going anywhere fast.
Oh and another odd thing is I was visited by Dewi today. He is Barry's answer to Karl Pilkington. Less bald, but just as awkward. A picture of him will follow! It is not to be missed. A true beast.
So here is to thinking the best of things. I just hope it helps. I am willing to do anything. Be that to be happy without her or ecstatic with her. I just need to let this pain dissolve in the waters of time.
P.s. I got the job as manager of second division German side Fürth today on football manager. Definitely a challenge. I got them away with a 2-1 win in my first match so at least that's another positive.
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