Counselling

When the love of my life found out about what I did, she was obviously distraught. It was like I had stabbed her in the back. Spat in her face. Betrayed her trust.
I didn't like what I had done. In fact each time I logged on to this specific website to speak to these people, I hated myself. Yet I couldn't stop. It was a type of addiction. I didn't realise what I was doing.
After a few days after finding out she had suggested we go to counselling. Obviously I was sceptical. I mean how can talking to some random person help. How will they be able to get through to both of us.
Well, I was proved wrong.
Even though we only had a couple of sessions I was noticing a big difference in myself. I was really taking note to what I had been doing wrong and trying to improve. I broke that trust and that was something I wanted to change.
I was fighting my defensive side and trying to let her in over anything else. I guess though it was too little too late. Which is a shame because I felt that I had a lot more to give. A lot more to prove. A lot more to show how much she meant to me.
If only I had remembered to tell her about these stupid texts. I wasn't trying to hide them. They were nothing to me. It was just my friends trying to guilt this girl I had hardly met into coming out for our leaving do.
What a stupid oversight this was. They meant nothing, so I forgot. But it is something that I should have told her about none-the-less.
This was the final straw. My downfalls of hiding everything in the past came back to bite me on the butt. In a big way. That was the final straw. The end of the line.
I wish I could turn back time and let her in on everything. I want her to still be my everything. This is why I am a loser. Throwing away all that is dear to me.
I did try and I still want to fight for her love, but it is all a bit late now. Although there might never be a 'too late', I fear she has given up the fight.